Numerology reading today said “It can be hard for you to move forward in life without a sharing and stable partnership. You have a sensitive nature that may make you a bit vulnerable, though allows you to reach deeper levels of love than most. You would do just about anything to make the one you love happy which makes you nearly the perfect companion.”(Head tilted in contemplation)
We hung the lights outside today. My lovely son in love, and my daughter came to help me. They are up and looking lovely. I love this time of year, my mother would wake up and make the world sparkly and beautiful. My favorite memories of my mother are cooking with my mom, she makes the best fudge and divinity.
Let’s try a little modification to an old song. How about the Twelve days to 50? I will be fifty in twelve days. This is so shocking to me! I don’t feel fifty, if anything I feel late twenties early thirties. I am excited to be fifty, not exactly sure why.
When I turned 20, I was very pregnant, three months later I would become a mother. My whole life changed. What a gift! It was not an easy transition, though I doubt it is for anyone. I made a lot of mistakes. My twenties brought two children, two long term relationships, one marriage, one divorce, my own home, and many new friends.
You know when I was 29 I was totally freaked out about turning 30, as if life as I knew it would just fall apart and or end. It didn’t.
In my thirties I lost a very close friend, which set in motion a series of events that would have me on the path of finding myself and my dreams. I would learn to travel on my own, eat by myself in a restaurant. Again there would be two long-term relationships, one marriage, we would blend families together giving us four children, though all four became teenagers, (not always easy, yet definitely worth every moment). I lost a parent, who to this day speaks to me in ways I would never have thought. We had the first of the graduations, many good friends, as well as many things we enjoyed doing.
When I turned 40 I was pretty happy, I had just gotten married. During my forties our kids grew up finishing high school and college, the oldest getting married and having a child; of her own. I was able to pursue my dreams more fully, travel internationally. Again there was a divorce, and this time I had to fully learn to stand on my own. I learned to shop for just one, I learned to set and hold boundaries, I learned to be me, and to like me. I made new friends and distanced myself from old friends. I learned that no matter how much you love someone you must choose yourself or be lost. I learned that it is ok to grieve as this is the only way to heal, and to not rush it. I had to make many hard decisions to become the person I am today. Today I am twelve days to Fifty.